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Don't let this cute little face fool you.

Don’t let this cute little face fool you. I’m a machine!

Has anyone else ever needed a baby strait jacket for their three month old? I’m not sure when or how this happened but sometime in the last 3 months, Cullen became the strongest baby alive. Super human strength y’all. This bionic strength is really only an issue when it’s time for him to go to sleep. One of two things will occur.

The first is that we will try to hold him, rock him, or bounce him to sleep while he is punching, kicking, and flailing around to break free. Honestly when he gets in this fight mode he’s like an octopus. I’m not sure how he suddenly can be hitting and punching in all the places in which he’s doing so but its happening so my theory is that along with his super strength he also has additional invisible limbs that come out when sleep is threatening. There is really only so much abuse I can handle so after a few minutes of this invisible arm wrestling match, I forfeit and Cullen wins. I put him down with the intention of letting him put himself to sleep. I figure his display of athleticism is his way of telling me he doesn’t want to be held so putting him down is the logical solution right? WRONG! This leads us to Cullen’s helicopter arm.

Picture my little baby positioned on his side, slightly curled, with this pacifier in his mouth. Sounds cute and sleep conducive right? Well maybe for any other infant on the planet but not for this bionic baby. Oh, he’s on his side slightly curled with a pacifier in his mouth alright but he’s also got the one arm that isn’t pinned under him waving around in a helicopter motion. I mean really swinging around and around at warp speed, so fast I’m afraid that any minute he’s just going to take off flying across the house.

Let’s recap. My three month old has super human strength, invisible limbs, and a propeller…he’s basically a transformer.

I am fully aware that the reason for all of this is strictly because he doesn’t want to fall asleep therefore he’s going to move anything and everything he has so that it is physically impossible to pass out. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s just wearing himself out and that he will have to give in eventually.  Unfortunately the inevitable doesn’t come soon enough and the longer his propeller arm circles around, the more exhausted he becomes which leads us to the loudest, most awful ear piercing screaming you’ve ever heard. Lucky us.

Thankfully we’ve discovered Cullen’s kryptonite. A baby strait jacket. No, it isn’t an actual jacket with buckles and straps. Apparently this type of thing is frowned upon and considered cruel and dangerous to a child. What I’m talking about is a blanket wrapped around him tight enough that he can’t pull his arms up enough to loosen it. Not swaddling exactly, like a short cut version that only focuses on his helicopter octopus arms. Once he’s been straight jacketed with his blanket and his wailing siren has been muted with the pacifier, he’s then ready to be put back down. His resistance is now futile against his arch nemesis, nap time.

After having gone through such strenuous measures to get him to sleep, we’ve successfully burned about 9,000 calories so I guess there is an upside to wrestling a three month old though the strait jacket method is a much easier!