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True story

True story

I know I’m not alone when I say that I absolutely hate using a porta-potty. Honestly, I don’t really care to use any public toilet portable or otherwise. To be really, really honest, I don’t even like to use the same toilet as my kids. Perhaps I’m a toilet snob, judge me if you must.  I’m painfully aware of the fact that not everyone who uses a public restroom has the same high standard off toilet etiquette as I do and it seems to me that when you are forced to use a portable toilet, all etiquette goes completely out the window. Just because this toilet is in the middle of the street, it doesn’t give you a free pass to pee anywhere you like, they put that hole there for a reason. It’s your target, shoot it.

A few weeks ago we attended a balloon festival in a neighboring town. This festival was held at a public park which had restrooms but they also brought in porta-potties. I’ve never seen portable restrooms like these before. They weren’t individual stalls in which you feel claustrophobic and almost suffocate to death from the stench of urine and air freshener. These were inside of a trailer, several separate stalls and there were even sinks. Finally someone realized that after being forced to share the germs of 800 random strangers that maybe you’d like to wash your hands afterward.

As we waited for the balloons to take off, which didn’t happen due to the weather, the kids said they needed to use the restroom. I wasn’t surprised by this because I’ve come to the realization that they have some odd desire to see the inside of every public restroom in the entire world. I know this because even though I make them use the restroom before leaving the house, they miraculously still have to pee when we arrive at our destination 4 minutes later. Whether it’s the grocery store, the dollar store, a restaurant, or in this case a public park, they have to pee. I warned them that if they really needed to go they’d have to use the porta-potties. They must really have a sick fascination with public toilets because they weren’t deterred by this at all.

I walk all four of them to the trailers, Micah goes into the men’s trailer by himself and the girls head into the women’s trailer. I didn’t need to go because I don’t have an obsession with peeing in every public toilet ever made so I waited outside the exit of the women’s trailer. Several minutes pass and Micah comes out of the men’s restroom. We continue to wait for the girls at the exit. After what felt like half an hour, I finally opened the door to the porta-potty trailer to find out what is taking them so long. As I open the door, I see 2 of the 3 girls just standing in the entry way with the most disgusted look on their faces. I asked what was taking them so long, expecting that they’ve already gone to the restroom and are just waiting to wash their hands. However, this was not the case. They hadn’t even used the restroom yet. The reason they hadn’t used the restroom yet? In Kyra’s words “Its just so yucky in here”

Now, I’ve seen some “yucky” porta-potties in my time and though this one wasn’t the cleanest of them, it most definitely wasn’t the worse. At this moment I could do nothing but laugh at the fact that my toilet snobbishness has rubbed off. They just couldn’t bring themselves to pick a stall and use it because they all looked dirty. Too bad this pickiness doesn’t convert into cleanliness, maybe then I wouldn’t be afraid to sit on the toilet in their bathroom at home. In any event, I had to break the bad news to them. If they stand around until they find a clean porta-potty to pee in they may as well go squat behind a tree because it just isn’t going to happen. A sanitary porta-potty is like a unicorn, a pretty awesome find but also nonexistent.

In case you’re wondering, they finally committed to a stall and managed to come out without any communicable diseases.

Yes I did just write an entire post about portable toilets and you have Pinterest to blame or thank, however you want to look at it (the meme above was found while browsing for 8 hours) I’d like to think you’ll say thank you Pinterest for inspiring this potty humor. My apologies to any portable toilets who were offended by honesty of their lack of hygiene.