Those of you who know me will know how true this next statement really is. I am a bit controlling and OCD. I worry incessantly and think constantly. I am always planning or preparing for things in my head. I exhaust myself with it. This is one of those things I’ve been trying to work on within myself because it has a negative effect on my parenting skills. I have a tendency to be a “no mom” more often than I am a “yes mom”. I acknowledge that and I am working on changing it because how will our kids ever gain experiences if I constantly tell them no? This mentality I have doesn’t just effect me as a mom but my life in general.
The other day I had an epiphany. I was in the laundry room mentally listing all of the things I would much rather be doing at that exact moment than folding the laundry. Writing a new blog post, working on a Halloween costume, finishing a customer’s order, etc etc) I continued with my task though, folding and sorting the clothes into obsessive little organized piles, as I normally do, one for each household member. Once the folding was done I moved on to the hanging clothes, leaving the huge pile of socks for last. After I hung the last shirt, I turned to the socks and the thought struck me, life is too short to match socks. I mean, I’ve heard that saying before but it was really standing out in my head. What do I care if my kids wear two different socks to school tomorrow? Is that going to effect their learning? No. Is it some how going to make them into crazy, misbehaving, ill-mannered hoodrat kids? No it isn’t. So why should I waste countless minutes matching socks? It’s good enough to get them into the right piles and let them just pick out two socks to put on their feet. I mean at least they wear socks right? They’re just going to cover them up with shoes anyway! I let go of the control and the OCD and I just tossed the socks into their owner’s piles and I just walked away. I let go. That’s not something that comes easily for me. This may seem meaningless to most of you but it was a big deal, a pivotal moment for me. In doing that, I let myself be more open to other ways that I could release the control. I’m not sure when or why I developed that need to control every single thing in life but learning to unlearn it is hard but not matching those socks felt great.
You know what else feels great? Having cereal for dinner. We did it last night, don’t judge – the kids loved it. It’s also great to sometimes eat dessert before dinner, we’ve done that before too. When you’re so used to immediately saying no, saying yes is hard to do. I’ve been trying to condition myself into just saying yes. When I do it, the kids are shocked and surprised and knowing that gives me mixed emotions. I am happy that by my saying yes it made them happy but it saddens me to know that they feel surprised by it because they’re used to hearing no. I’m working on being a yes person instead.
I feel happier when I say yes. “No” most often has a negative connotation, “yes” is more positive, it feels better to say yes! Now, don’t go thinking that this new positive thinking is causing me to be some air brained crazy person who will say yes to everything. There is a thought process involved here – are you surprised? When a question is posed I think to myself, will it hurt to say yes? Will it some how cause damage physically or mentally? If I can say no to that, then I can say yes to the question! You should try it some time – liberate yourself.